What is Your Leadership Relating Style?

There are four Relating Styles of leaders. Two of them are relationship-oriented and two are results-oriented. You will probably recognize yourself in all four to some extent or another, but which Relating Style is most like you as a leader? Which style is the best Relating Style for leaders who want to successfully achieve results while developing effective relationships? Is your Relating Style impacting your leadership results and relationships? Positively? Negatively? What can you do about it?

Relating Style is a term I coined in a 1979 doctoral dissertation (The Field Testing and Development of The Effective Communicator Model). In 1980, The Relating Styles Program, a leadership and management development program (the forerunner of Situational Communication^®) was published by McGraw-Hill and taught throughout the United States and Canada.In a general sense, Relating Style refers to “the way a person tends to respond automatically or instinctively to a variety of communication situations”.

How Do We Relate?

The way we tend to relate is driven in large part by our relationship or results-orientation, which in turn, is influenced by a variety of factors that can include everything from our genetic makeup to our early social conditioning…from role models to life and work experiences. In effect, it represents a large part of who we are. As such, our Relating Style tendencies play a significant role in our ability to achieve successful results and to develop effective relationships, be it in a leadership role or not.

Our Relating Style tendencies play a significant role in our ability to achieve successful results. Click To Tweet

To better understand your Relating Style tendencies and how they might be affecting your ability to be both a successful and an effective leader, complete this exercise:

1. Read the four Relating Style descriptions below. Keep in mind that you may see yourself, to some extent, in all four Relating Styles.
2. Choose the Relating Style that is most like you (Predominant Relating Style) and the Relating Style that is least like you.
3. Ask yourself, “Which is the best Relating Style for successful/effective leaders?

Read on, because the answer is at the end of this blog. (But don’t jump ahead! You’ll get far more value out of this if you do the exercise first.)

Relating Style 1: The Rapports

These are the types of leaders who initially tend to be:

1. Analytical in nature, gathering information before speaking with a good deal of self-control.
2. Excellent listeners, internal, tending to keep to themselves those people and things that bother them.
3. Patient when it comes to dealing with complex issues, tolerating other people’s negative behaviors and attitudes better than most.
4. Reluctant in a conflict situation to put their interests and preferences on the table so they work around the conflict. They tend to develop communication relationships slowly.
5. Able to create a solid climate for important discussions, good at developing rapport and making people feel comfortable in stressful situations.
6. Focused on an above average amount of relationship-oriented behavior and a below average amount of results-oriented behavior

Relating Style 2: The Initiators

These are the types of leaders who initially tend to be:

1. Less analytical than Rapports, with good self-control. They’d rather get the discussion going and move towards controlling a situation by introducing the topic.
2. Good listeners, supportive, less internal than Rapports, wanting to introduce the topic quickly in a supportive, non-threatening way.
3. Patient when it comes to dealing with complex issues, quick to include others and recognize their contributions. They’re team players who talk in terms of we, and who deal well with the negative behaviors, attitudes and beliefs of others, with a tendency to want to talk about it.
4. Quick to share their thoughts in a conflict situation (although they are reluctant to push for what they want), with a desire to initiate the development of communication relationships with others while tending to let the other person carry the ball.
5. Able to introduce topics in a supportive, cooperative, collegial way and to include others in the discussion.
6. Focused on an above average amount of relationship-oriented behavior and an average amount of results-oriented behavior.

Relating Style 3: The Disclosers

These are the types of leaders who initially tend to be:

1. Less analytical than Rapports or Initiators. They spend less time thinking things through and more time talking them through, while exhibiting good self and situation control.
2. Able to articulate well thought out, logical arguments in a convincing manner. They’re less patient than Rapports or Initiators when it comes to dealing with complex issues, but are persistent when it comes to putting forth their views.
3. External rather than internal. If people or things bother them, they tend to express their thoughts. They want things to move towards a conclusion and tend to become uncomfortable when other people’s negative behaviors, attitudes or beliefs slow things down.
4. Quick to enter the fray in a conflict situation with an attempt to work things out amicably. They’d rather persuade than direct people to their point of view and like sharing ideas and developing communication relationships quickly.
5. Able to give and get the necessary information on the table to move towards a conclusion.
6. Focused on an average amount of relationship-oriented behavior and an above average amount of results-oriented behavior.

Relating Style 4: The Asserters

These are the types of leaders who initially tend to be:

1. Results-oriented, moving quickly to their interests and preferences for decision and action. They tend to be in firm control of the situation and reluctant to participate in unnecessary or prolonged discussions.
2. Action-oriented. They don’t like to spend an inordinate amount of time listening, but can be excellent listeners who exhibit patience when they’re dealing with complex issues, although they usually want to cut through the red tape and just get things done.
3. External, outgoing and often at or near the center of the action. They’re usually described as forceful and are uncomfortable accepting others’ beliefs, attitudes or behaviors if they appear to stand in the way of goal achievement. These leaders are confident, positive individuals who move quickly to decisions and action.
4. Honest, open and direct in conflict situations. In their presence, you always know where you stand. They develop communication relationships quickly and although these relationships can be very rewarding, they can also scare people away when they tell it like it is.
5. Able to skillfully express their interests and preferences and move toward negotiating a mutually satisfying result.
6. Focused on a below average amount of relationship-oriented behavior and an above average amount of results-oriented behavior.

What are Your Results?

Did you answer the questions? Which Relating Style is most like you? Which is least like you? Which is the best Relating Style for successful/effective leaders?

If you chose Relating Style 1 or 2 as most like you, then you see your Predominant Relating Style as relationship-oriented. If you chose Relating Style 3 or 4, you see your Predominant Relating Style as results-oriented.

The Best Relating Style

So which Relating Style is best for successful/effective leaders?

Well, you must be able to employ them ALL, sequentially and developmentally and adapt them appropriately to the demands of the situation. If you take a fire, aim, ready approach when a ready, aim, fire approach is called for, you may find yourself achieving results – but at the expense of relationships.

Remember, successful/ineffective leaders don’t last.

The Relating Style or Styles that are least like you represent areas that may be weaknesses, and you’ll certainly need to work on them if you hope to be able to do it all in order to achieve Results with Relationship. To be a successful and effective leader, not only must you be able to use ALL four Relating Styles sequentially and developmentally throughout your interactions, but you must also understand which Relating Style to start with, as well as how and when to move backward and forward to adapt your Relating Style appropriately to the demands of the situation.

To act differently, you must begin to think differently! Click To Tweet

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To understand how each of the four Relating Styles complements The System in Situational Communication^® and how to adapt your Relating Style appropriately to the demands of a situation in order to give you the best chance for success and effectiveness, keep an eye out for our next blog as we explore Situational Analysis.

If these thoughts strike a chord with you, share this blog with others who you want to support in their effort to improve their leadership results, relationships and career development.

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Dr. Don MacRae is the author and passionate leader of Situational Communication^® and the CEO of Lachlan Enterprises Incorporated (The Lachlan Group).

Do you know the primary reason leaders and potential leaders fail today? It’s not because of what they do but rather how they do it – in other words, their people skills. Find out “How To” improve both your success and communication effectiveness by taking advantage of the FREE version of the Situational Communication^® website/webinar.