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Relate Your Way To Negotiating Success and Effectiveness

September 15, 2015 » Win/Win Negotiation Concepts, Strategies and Tactics

Are you relationship-oriented or results-oriented? What parts of a negotiation are you most comfortable with? Discover the different “Relating Styles” and how each plays an integral role in successful/effective negotiating. Can you “do it all”?

Exactly What Is This Crazy Thing We Call Negotiation? 

“Negotiation: a formal discussion between people who are trying to reach an agreement.” – – Merriam-Webster.com

Negotiation is a process of resolving conflicting interests (needs/priorities). And it’s one that depends heavily on your ability to manage your counterpart’s perception. From the very first greeting right through to the final agreement (if you manage to arrive at one), everything you say and do – and I mean everything ­– during a negotiation interaction has a significant impact on what the other person perceives to be real, to be possible, to be your priorities, to be your potential trade-offs and concessions, and most importantly, to be your ultimate bottom line.

Perception is Everything

Your counterpart’s negotiation strategies and tactics are directly affected and may even be determined by his or her perception of you, what you say and do and how you handle the components of the negotiation process.

So then, it is important that you influence these perceptions to your advantage.

Here’s where the Relating Styles of Successful/Effective Negotiators come into play. They help you use your influence to clarify and change conflicting perceptions and expectations in order to reach a mutually acceptable conclusion.

The Negotiation Process

“Is negotiation an art or science?

I believe it is somewhere in-between.

Negotiation is a bit like bridge-building.

Every bridge is different but there are universal engineering principles that apply.”

 – – William Ury

When you view it from beginning to end, the negotiation process often proceeds in a logical, sequential and developmental pattern:

  1. Stage one begins the process by setting the appropriate climate.
  2. Stage two introduces the issues to set an agenda.
  3. Stage three develops the parties’ understanding of the issues.
  4. Stage four clarifies each party’s interests (needs/priorities) and preferred positions.

If you think of these four stages as a continuum, they represent THE RELATING STYLES SYSTEM that can be controlled to improve your success and effectiveness.

What are Relating Styles?

I introduced the term “Relating Style” (Relating Styles, McGraw-Hill Ryerson,1979) and defined it as “the way a person tends to behave when they respond automatically or instinctively to various types of communication situations”. In my other books, Situational Communication: Relating Styles (1st edition 1986, second editions English and French 1993) and subsequent article, The Relating Styles of Successful/Effective Negotiators (1992), I explored a Relating Style as “a pattern of behavior that accomplishes one of four objectives in both the communication and the negotiation process”. The four Relating Styles: Rapport, Initiation, Disclosure and Assertion when applied skillfully in negotiation interactions will help you accomplish your objectives successfully and effectively.

  1. Rapport (Relating Style 1, or R.S. 1) develops the appropriate climate.
  2. Initiation (Relating Style 2, or R.S. 2) identifies issues for the negotiation agenda.
  3. Disclosure (Relating Style 3, or R.S. 3) discovers information and clarifies points of view to help each party see the big picture (in other words, landscape vision).
  4. Assertion (Relating Style 4, or R.S. 4) identifies and explores interests (needs/priorities), positions potential trade-offs, and moves the negotiation to a mutually acceptable conclusion.

The System

The Relating Style System is a four-stage approach to the negotiation process and represents the combination, interaction and distinctive roles of the four Relating Styles in successful/effective negotiations. Although each Relating Style can be generally defined, it’s important to note that every negotiation is unique. As a result, successful and effective negotiators let the situation determine the flexible application of their Relating Styles.

What are Your Relating Styles?

We’re all different.

You might have Relating Styles that are more relationship-oriented and tend to be more supportive in nature. Or maybe your Relating Styles are more results-oriented and tend to be more directive in nature. Or perhaps you’re someone who has Relating Styles that are a combination of the two – both supportive and directive in a number of variations (now frequently referred to as Ambiverts).

Your Relating Styles (in other words, your behavioral tendencies) can significantly impact your ability to control The System during negotiations in both positive and negative ways. A Relating Style, when referred to within the context of a successful and effective negotiation, plays a specific role and has a specific results and/or relationship orientation.

The Relating Styles System

“This might surprise you, but success is all about structure.

As a matter of fact, we do not get better, we do not change our behavior,

and we do not become successful without it! “

– – Marshall Goldsmith

The Rapport Relating Style (R.S. 1)

The Rapport Style begins the negotiating process by setting the appropriate climate. This might include introductions, greetings and the establishment of a particular mood or environment. Usually this is followed by a brief history of how the two sides arrived at this point, followed by an overview that helps to set the tone of the negotiations by indicating, at an abstract level, what both sides hope to do.

For example, at the outset, both parties might agree that the goal of the negotiation is to produce a fair, equitable and mutually acceptable solution to the situation.

This style has a relationship orientation.

The Initiation Relating Style (R.S. 2)

The Initiation Style introduces the specific issues from both sides. The attitude is one of “doing it with”, not to or for. Once you’ve identified the issues, it’s important for the participants to sort the issues in terms of their relative importance (i.e. major or minor). Then they must select the order in which the issues are to be thoroughly discussed, and the interests (needs/priorities) and preferred solutions presented. It might be wise to select minor issues as starters to get an early agreement.

Once you decide on the order of issues, you agree on an agenda. During the Initiation Stage, it is important to make sure you identify all issues and set the agenda before you select one issue for the Disclosure Stage. Agenda setting promotes good time management by:

  • Structuring the negotiation
  • Allowing for the prioritization of issues
  • Preventing “hidden agendas”
  • Showing potential packages early
  • Altering expectations as you move to the next stage

Like Rapport, this style has more of a relationship orientation.

The Disclosure Style (R.S. 3)

The Disclosure Style gives both parties an opportunity to develop landscape vision – the big picture. At this stage of the negotiation, the parties usually have tunnel vision – a clear understanding of their own point of view and a need to understand more clearly that of their counterpart. Through the 5 Ws (direct questions of Who, What, Why, When and Where) both participants attempt to share/discover information about each other’s point of view, interests (needs/priorities), preferences, strengths and weaknesses).

Keep in mind that direct questions should not offend or show signs of authority, and rather are used to:

  • Share information – “How much is it to produce?”
  • Understand the other’s point of view – “What are your recommendations?”
  • Clarify – “I am not sure what you mean by that?”
  • Request more information – “Could you expand on how you see this proposal working over time?”

Direct questions educate. They do not criticize. Therefore, they should focus more on what and how, rather than on why. They should be characterized by civility and respect. When you answer questions during the Disclosure Stage, give yourself time to think. Never answer until you clearly understand the question. Remember, you can give answers that satisfy part of the question, instead of all. And recognize that some questions do not require answers.

Successful/effective negotiators are completely aware of the need to find both common interests (needs/priorities) and mutually acceptable solutions. At the earliest possible opportunity in the negotiation process, both sides convey their interests (needs/priorities) and preferences (positions) with the maximum and minimum movements expected in return from each side. Those who negotiate well do this during the Disclosure Stage, or earlier.

This style has more of a results orientation.

The Assertion Style (R.S. 4)

The Assertion Style clearly spells out the interests (needs/priorities) of both sides and puts all preferences on the table. It quickly becomes clear how far apart the positions are. At this stage, constructive criticism is often appropriate. State the merits of your counterpart’s preferred solution, followed by your concerns. Suggest ways of eliminating your concerns while retaining the merits, by focusing the discussions on remedies that satisfy the interests (needs/priorities) of both sides.

Explore potential trade-offs – “What if we agreed to…?”, “Could you agree to…?” Search for concessions to find a mutually acceptable package. It’s at this stage that cooperation, compromise and movement are necessary to satisfy the interests (needs/priorities) of each party at the lowest cost to the other.

This style has a results orientation.

Negotiator Relating Style Tendencies (Do You Recognize Yourself?)

“The Rapports”

Negotiators who have the Rapport Style (R.S. 1) as their predominant tendency (the Rapports) are often relationship-oriented. They frequently see themselves as good listeners – analytical and patient. Although these types of negotiators are often very comfortable with the first stage of The System, they’re usually not as comfortable with the last.

“The Initiators”

Negotiators who have the Initiation Style (R.S. 2) as their predominant tendency (the Initiators) are also usually relationship-oriented. Having said that, they’re usually more results oriented than the Rapports. They often see themselves as supportive, good listeners and team-oriented. They’re perfectly comfortable getting the issues on the table and moving the negotiation toward an agenda. Like the Rapports, Initiators tend to be most comfortable starting the negotiation process and somewhat less comfortable completing it.

“The Disclosers”

Negotiators who have the Disclosure Style (R.S. 3) as their predominant tendency (the Disclosers) often have a results and a relationship orientation, but with a stronger pull toward results. They usually see themselves as directive, persistent and persuasive. Disclosers are very comfortable exploring the issues, clarifying points of view, identifying conflict and moving toward their results but are usually not as comfortable with the relationship components of climate setting, issue identification and the establishment of an agenda.

“The Asserters”

Negotiators who have the Assertion Style (R.S. 4) as their predominant tendency (the Asserters) are usually results-oriented with even less of a relationship orientation than the Disclosers. They see themselves as directive, open, action-oriented and confident. They tend to be very comfortable expressing their interests (needs/priorities) and preferred solutions, and then moving the negotiation towards a satisfactory end result. Asserters are less comfortable with the relationship-oriented Rapport and Initiation Styles, which in turn, can lead to a Fire, Aim, Ready approach when a Ready, Aim, Fire strategy might be more appropriate.

What Do Relating Styles Have to Do with Successful/Effective Negotiating?

The Relating Styles System represents a four-stage approach to negotiation that strives for both results and relationship through a systematic, developmental process. The System is controlled by the appropriate and skillful application of the four Relating Styles (Rapport, Initiation, Disclosure and Assertion).

To be both successful and effective as a negotiator, you must not only understand The System, but also become skillful and flexible employing all four Relating Styles, especially those with which you are not comfortable. In short, to achieve results with relationship, you must be able to “do it all”, systematically, developmentally, skillfully and flexibly.

“I have come to the conclusion that the greatest obstacle to getting what we really want in life

is not the other party, as difficult as he or she can be.

The biggest obstacle is actually ourselves.” 

– – William Ury

Next Time…

Take a look at this complete model to get an idea of how the Relating Styles mingle with the different types of negotiation to ultimately achieve RESULTS with RELATIONSHIP.

Stay tuned for my next blog post to learn more about 7 Secrets (Shhh) To Negotiation Success and Effectiveness

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Dr. Don MacRae is the author and passionate leader of Situational Communication® and the CEO of Lachlan Enterprises Incorporated (The Lachlan Group).

Do you know the primary reason leaders and potential leaders fail today? It’s not because of what they do but rather how they do it – in other words, their communication, negotiation and relating skills. Find out “how to” improve both your success, and your communication and negotiation effectiveness, by taking advantage of the FREE version of the Situational Communication® website/webinar.


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